change of heart

for once, i feel kinda free. undescribable feeling if you want it more frankly. i dont know about guys, this might be more for girls.
today i went to a dinner and saw how happy a newly married couple were. i was actually thinking of something at that moment. next time, maybe my time will come. i cant tell... though love... sometimes can be complicated and if its not cherrished properly, it would have been just thrown away and never to come back. i keep on thinking to myself . how to love more to the people around me and never let them down or dissapoint them.. i try my best and i will keep trying.. how i have hoped for a friend that truely understands me. a friend that knows what i try to tell him at times, a friend knows my behaviors, my characteristics, and my attitude. haih...

today, im heartbroken. because of a stupid thing that i have done two days ago. one, because of two girls that i like. i know that you might think that i am a playboy or something like that at the point. but i hear that a lot. there is this two people that i am secretly having crush on. one girl was that, i dont really [the real] know her but i find her very friendly and very nice to people. that's why i like her. the other one, i think that she is cute, and funny sometimes. but the thing is that she doesn't talk out her heart. she is shy, yes i know but... at least say something when we went out that day. it was a friday when i ask her out. there was her friend which is a girl and my friend. we talked and walked here and there not knowing what to do the whole day. this two people, they tried to help us get together telling us to do this and that.. but the thing is that we were shy. it was so clear that we liked each other but we made is so complicated that in the end i gathered up as much courage as i have inside of me and held her hand. but that was nothing. after we parted, she has to go to singapore the next day, so i got no chance to do anything about it. i was worried that maybe im doing the wrong choice dating a girl now.. but...i dont wannna break anybody's heart, i dont even know whether we're dating or not. in the end, we didn't even say anything to each other.
now that the other girl that i like is in love with someone else. i should feel happy and i get myself concentrated on the girl i mentioned. but instead i feel so heartbroken. i cant explain it. i just dont know why. i dont wanna tell my friends because they wont understand. im lost now. i dont know what to do.

call in alphabets 13 25 19 5 12 6

the pain of a little young girl talking to her elder brother. all the brother hoped for is for the sister to love him. cherrish him. and his friends.. you could have seen them.. this guy.. he is really stupid and a recklessly complete idiot. he just took out his anger on his friends.. one of the worst way that a person can ever treat his friend. he was lost. he dont know what else to do. he just scolded his friends out of no reason. he just scold, took out everything on his friends. how bad more can a friend can be? this guy, has done a lot of bad things. he doesn't treat people the right way. when he is angry or sad. he keeps it to himself. instead of telling nicely. he keeps and keeps and keeps. until one day. he might just loose it. how good would it be if he is not in the world anymore.. would anyone care? how much more can he take? from his sister that scolds him every single day and treats him like a slave every single moment whenever her brother tries to talk to her. a person that cared asking his sister whether she's hungry, whether she is happy or not. a person that goes crazy whenever her sister walks away if she is not happy about a thing that happened around her. but an awful person that doesn't care about how his friends would feel if he does this, if he does that. im not saying that this guy is perfect or whatsoever but he is really in need of a person that really cares about him a person that would listen to him. a person that would respect him enough that he understands why he is like this and not like that whenever something happens.

one of those worse days

things didn't work out as i planned it would to be today... this morning, i was asleep till 11 because i slept late yesterday.. then what happened was that i saw my sister using the com.. this happens always because she newly got her game and she downloaded it.. everytime this happens... anyway.. today's not the first day of her doing that.. but the thing is, she doesn't even bother to have her breakfast before playing.. that's one of those things that pisses me off sometimes... then after that, i just start to do the house chores. then after that i grab something to eat and i just asked my sis so borrow me for awhile because i wanna watch a movie while i eat, then she said wait.. that one nevermind but then after that, i waited and she said want another game, that one can but all i said was [in the game] i thought she used my character to get punished and then she tell me her character is the one... then from there start..
she begin to talk crap about me and all i wanted to do was to tell her dont do this in another way. but she just show me her tempering face and talk m ore crap.. she makes things more and more complicated everytime we started to argue... then we argue for about half an hour. shoutings here and there.. then in the end she just go into the room [cause that's what she likes to do because she thinks she is s great doing that just to piss me off] but anyway, i just wanna have peace right now..

Let Me Die

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes

My heart for you is true
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight
Can't change from wrong to right

So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

Its time to say farewell now
No need to cry of feelings
Oh it's alright
I'll end the end of lies

Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes

Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can get me straight to fight
Till the sky is burning
It's the end of time

Look ahead tomorrow
Long and winding road

Keep the faith of mine
Don't let it go
You're the only reason
That I'm growing cold
What would I do
Without you

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright
Life no longer ends here with you in my heart

In my heart...

Ps: what will happen if i sing this song to a girl? will she like it? i wonder....

adrenaline

today.... erm.. its actually yesterday.. which was fun.. because i kind met a new friend.... two new friends actually.. at queensbay skating ring.. this was one of the events that makes me happy. to synchronize what i would describe about them, its that they are friendly... one of the most friendliest people that i've ever met.. but somehow.. they are leaving adi.. so.. it was kinda like a celebration.. a farewell sort of party.. only that its not that much of a party.. but we had tons of fun. the whole day filled with limitless joy and laughters... we went to eat together and i met my elder godsister and had a date with her... not really a date but... walked around with her.. well... at least i thought that i wasnt that boring at that time because mostly i would shy out being alone with a girl like a girl.. so what happened was, that i treated my sis an ice cream and im glad that she liked it, enjoyed it.. of course lar... my two dollars and ninety eight cents inside that ice cream now in her stomach digested adi.. no lar.. im just joking.. anyway what happened was that i had lunch with her.. though not really lunch but im the one eating food and she was eating the ice-cream. so.. after lunch, i went to buy some stuff with her.. at least i made her smile that time... because i rarely do that.. as i have said that i would shy out before.. so we went shopping and i was thinking of taking pictures with her... but sadly...she declines it.. but nevermind. i already got her picture right up here in my head..
despite all the fantasies, there are also things that i worried and kept on thinking about it throughout the day on that particular day.. here the story goes... my mum, decided to run a business of think made fruit juices which is very healthy and can cure certain sickness... because she wasn't really happy working in her office.. her friend, from US came here to discuss about it and introduce the juice to my mum's students.. because my mum is currenty a beautician, a tutor. so... introducing the juice and all.... and her friend as i have mentioned, brought along some friends as well.. and a i got along with them well... according to my mum, some of them were from taiwan before they moved to US ... so they have a [my comment] very cute slang of mandarin.. and i actually enjoyed hearing it.. then there was this man.. which is the most friendliest person that i have ever made.. and kinda funny to the lot of him.. haha yeah.. i kinda miss all of them now because they just left Malaysia today... but we would still keep in touch by sending emails though... my friend [from US] brought me a book when we were at queensbay two days ago from today.... and its really an interesting book.. we even exchanged stories of ourselves... so happy...
aside from all that, actually as i was saying, my mum and i had a deal of going to KL with them [business trip] and actually i thought that it was sunday but actually in was held on saturday, the day where i first met them as i have mentioned above. so.. i was worried because my friend [Us] was expecting of me so much because the trip consists of 5 women, 1 girl and him, the only man.. so.. i was the only one who can talk to him.. but then i chose to go queensbay instead and at that moment came up another problem which was the girl that i confessed to the night before which doesn't agree to me about anything.... only a handful of times... so.. we had a deal.. i wanted to hug her and give her a surprise when we reach queensbay on that particular day but she'd rather go with her friends. so i was kinda down and upset about this two events the whole day and i was thinking that i was about to regret that i have made the wrong choice of going to qb instead of KL with my best friend.. but the ones that went skating with me on that day kinda made my day, they took the worries from me and plunged endless joy into me.. so ii thought to myself that, forget about it, what's over is over... so... i forgot about everything ans skated the whole day and for once my friend Azman actually said skating was boring.. haha..
so.. about the girl that i confessed the night before going to skate with my other friends, she also went to the movies and i waited for her in the skating ring as i was skating.. i waited until around 4 something and i sms-ed her but she didn't reply.. so i thought that maybe she's busy or something.. so.. at around 5.3o i recieved a sms from her and she said that she was already.. home.. and a sudden feeling of dissapointment suddenly dawned on me when i was planning that i would have fun with her [just me and her] after her movies but instead, she prefered to follow her friends as her reason was that she and her friends have not met for a very long time.. so... i have nothing else to say..and all i wanted to do was to tell her, how i felt.. but.. i held it back instead... well.. i think that should cover up the whole story of yesterday and the day before yesterday.. so... i want to type other things instead because this blog never replies so.. see ya