12 June 2014

Its been a long time since i last sat in front of the computer to type these stories out. Things change as days go by. I've enrolled myself into a new college, Disted College in Hospitality and Business Management. I've been to KDU once and i didn't dare voice out because i can imagine the shame that it could bring to me. The shame that had followed me since the day i dropped out. I couldn't cope with the subject. But who wants to hear that excuse right? The truth was, i went in because of a friend and it could have been the worst choice that i could have made. And by making this stupid choice, i wasted my parents money and effort. Things didn't go well in that college and i couldn't see myself going anywhere. I was lost. Right now im still lost and im in a boat and following wherever it takes me. Unlike other people that knows what they want to be or what they want to do from the beginning, im still looking. Somewhere deep inside, i know but i just couldn't see it yet. 

But now i could say that im not exactly lost because at least i could tell myself and everyone that im doing something about it. I can't find out what i want or what i like to do because most of the things that i like to do, they could just be hobbies and i don't really see myself going anywhere if i follow that path. Now since im enrolled in this college, i just gotta work my ass off and not to waste my parents money and effort again. Not this time. This is one last shot for me. I couldn't bear it. At times i would think in my dad's shoes. He supported me and gave me a chance and i just threw it away. Im extremely grateful that he gave me a second chance and i kept on questioning myself, do i really deserve all this? Anyways, what's done is done. So right now i just gotta work it all out and work hard.

Recently i had a reunion with one of my friends that we practically grew up together in a day care. We lost contact. Well, still in contact but not all that much a few years back. But surprisingly she enrolled into the same college and course with me. So we started catching up. The thing is this Friday would be her birthday and there was a small surprise organized for her by her best friend that she came in together on the first day of college. Of course we made friends and things went on like this after that. It was expected that at least you came in with a friend. Not only both of them but then there are more of the people in our class that actually went into the same college and course together with us because of a friend. Which i soon realized that was a mistake. I once went into a college with a friend and things didn't turn out quite well. Well lets just leave it at that. But what i didn't expect the extend that this friend would go to do for the other friend. You see, during her birthday or before her birthday she organized a lot of things and done a lot of things for her. She planned and made sure that the things that she had in mind and planned followed to the letter. To make sure that her best friend was happy. I was a little jealous or envy. i wasn't sure of the word to describe because Elissa, the birthday girl probably had the best birthday in her life because of her friend Shervon. They were both best friends for 5 years. And that's actually quite a long time. How many friends can you actually get and stay by you for 5 years? Not many right? Treasure-able friends. There aren't many friends like this these days. There were two surprises: one was when one of our classmates buy one cake for her during the day of her birthday and then the other was the cake that she made herself for Elissa. Not only that but then she also asked everyone to make and decorated a card for her. It was a very beautiful card written and decorated by almost everyone, probably everyone in the class. And then there was also another card given to her by her very own group: us. But then the card was also decorated by Shervon herself. Two surprise birthday parties in one day. Pretty cool right? I once did this for a friend. And well, i hope its not forgotten. Cause i planned it for him like no other. Because i didn't get this kind of surprise before. Probably the best surprise there is. I've always dreamed when i come back from school one day and my friends surprise me when i come out of the lift, planning and organizing everything behind my back. I'd say it probably g tears to my eyes. But i guess not. Its just so cool. so touching. To have a friend do all this for you. I never had this feeling. I never had this surprise. So i wanted him to get it. He got it. Friendship treasured right?  Not he has his life. His friends. His work. His college. His girlfriend. We don't hang out that often anymore. We dont even have that much time for each other. We dont share shit anymore. Things that mattered. All throlwn away. It could be my fault. I dont know. But all those things we've been through and all those thing we've done for each other. Probably the things that i did only, perhaps forgotten. It just seems in place. But it also seems such a mess, my life. But anyway, hope things got better and i guess it did,
Saying from future me, 2018 :)