All for you

27th November 2012

     Things didn't exactly turned out how i saw it from the beginning. At the beginning, i thought that college life was supposed to be fun until i realized that i joined a course that im haven't even got any interest in. I spent the entire year cooped up in there, stuffed with presentations and assignments. Not only that but also not to mention that there are also the teachers that treat students like high school students with the worse kind of attitude that anyone can possible imagine. They even take the attendance so bloody seriously. Well, that's one way a rich college would treat the people who had less money to afford but made it there just to waste the money. Pressuring students and eating money, sucking the money from the people like ATM machines. Damn hate it. I dont know im hating it because of that i went in the wrong course, or my point of view is exactly what it is that i see happening.
Well today's actually the 18th of Dec and i decide to finish up this blog since the other day when i can't finish because lack of energy. Well, actually im not having all that much of energy right now but there's this someone who'd want to see updates coming out so... just do it for this person :D So as you know i met this girl and she became my baby piggy. Yup, my one and only and thinking of her just takes away all the troubles of the day. Well not entirely because i still need to remind her to drink water, to ask her whether she has eaten or not and to know if she had a good day. IF she doesn't then im going to be the one to put the smile on her face. Somehow, for her, i'd want to put that smile and i feel that its worth it and i can see or tell that she appreciates the stuff that i do for her. I dont know about this but maybe its because she's my first girlfriend in my life and i couldn't get used to this kind of stuff. There's a lot of things that are new to me when it comes to relationship and there's a lot of things that i have to learn also. For example, to know how to make you happy lor baby! xD Aren't she the cutest person in the whole wide world? hahah :D All i could say is she's way better than her and i sometimes not too sure if im doing things that may be good enough for her to make her happy. Well, at least i could tell myself that i have tried.
hmmm... what else... lets see... surprises that i have made for her, not too sure if they are all the best but hope she smiles? And oh yea, actually i wanted to give her a Christmas surprise. So the thing was i added all her friends and told them that i was together with her. Although she wanted to do it but i told her not to because it was all part of the plan because on the day of the surprise itself, everyone's going to be there and everyone's going to reveal that we're already in a relationship and to surprise her but then plan had failed. why? because one, her relatives are coming over. Two, most of her friends can't make it and three, the steps and the plans of the procedure doesn't add up and doesn't make any sense. Well i just have to think of another one. Well, knowing that someone has the same things or the common thinking or opinions when it comes to certain things as you do, it's just great cause you don't have to explain much and you both know what each other is thinking already. hahhaa
she was the first person that i held hands with when i went out. she's the first girl that i skyped with at night to morning because she was afraid to sleep alone and i were to accompany her. No matter how tired i was, i still want to do it for her because i want her to know that if all else fails, then there's still someone that she can depend on or rely on. I sure hope if she knows she can really rely on me :D
And before i go, there's also one last thing for this blog. Baby, if you have anything you can tell me de kay? Im always here for you and im always here to listen to your problems ^_^ because if i have any problems, i'd be doing the same by telling you  :D
loves you baby
that's all for today :D see ya! 

Tasting Bitter Before Sweet

20th November 2012

     So i've not been updating my blog recently because i've been occupied by life's challenges? i guess that's called? So i'll be updating this from time to time nevertheless. Funny how this is like talking to myself. Anyway, so whatever that's gone is gone. Whatever that's past, i shall let it be the past. So there are several things that are worrying me now. These are the things that i've been facing and these are the things that i still have to face NO MATTER WHAT.

NUMBER ONE : the news is, i have an upcoming exam. HOORAY! YIPPEE! BUT i haven't started reading a single thing. -_- pretty good right? currently focusing on the couple of other things also which distracts me from the utmost importants. 

NUMBER TWO : i have a presentation and im working on it as i type. Two assignments to hand in by tonight or else im not going to turn off my lappy alive. or asleep that is. One to know what im going to be talking about tomorrow and the other have to hand in to my other team leader. 

NUMBER THREE : tomorrow is one of the presentation day and i have stage fright. Dont know what im going to be talking about tomorrow but then im just going to do my best. i had to...and i just hate this. 

NUMBER FOUR : actually there isn't any number four, all stated on the above already. 

So despite all of those crap that i the college life has to through at me, i met this girl recently. And this girl actually brought colours into my life. I started liking her as soon as i got out with her the first time. The first time that i met her, she was in a shopping mall, working in a gift shop. At that time i didn't know which to buy so she came over, as how usually the worker would attend to the customer. I was thinking of buying some stuff for my sister cause at that time it was her birthday. It was kind of a rush so i didn't know what to buy. So she came over and hoped that she might assist me in anyway. Usually i would hesitate talking to someone straight off like that but that time i didn't. I straight away asked her and i asked for her opinion for which to buy cause she is also a girl and she would know which taste a girl wants. So thinking that i got everything, she got it all wrapped up and i paid and i left. At that time, i really hope that i can see her again cause she was the first worker that i've said things to so casually. especially when she's a girl. HAHA so anyways, after a while, one of my college mate's birthday came and i thought i'd go back to the same place to buy. There are times when i passed by when i went to visit another friend who was working in the same district but at that time i couldn't see her. I felt kinda disappointed when i realized she doesn't work there anymore. Was already planning to get her facebook or her number or at least her name the next time i see her. But then haih, maybe by fate we will meet again. So i looked forward to that time. 

So one day when i logged into my facebook and i saw a notification or someone added me recently. So i was very happy whether if it was a girl or boy cause its the feeling you get before opening a your presents. So i opened and saw this girl's profile. when i looked into her profile, not exactly stalking, just to get the idea of who she was, i thought she looked familiar in her profile picture. So i approved and asked her to introduce herself. Sometime later, she replied and she revealed that she was indeed that girl that i met back at the gift shop and i was so damn happy and glad, although i didn't show it, when i see her. So we got to know a little bit and we went out the first time and i started liking her when i started to know how she was like. We have so much in common. There's so many things that we can share and there's so many thing that we could talk about together. But i kinda fell for her and i didn't tell her. I didn't dare to because she had only suffered a heartbreak and i dont want to be the guy that suddenly jumps into her life and spoils or messes up everything. so i kept it all to myself. I didn't dare tell her or confess to her because i wasn't sure if my chances of getting her would be the same as the other girls that had rejected me. So i too hesitate and just appreciate and not complain about the friendship that we share. I didn't want to break it up. So one day i told her that i have a crush on a girl and i wouldn't want to tell her who she is but i told her what i was thinking and that i will show her who that girl is. She wouldn't believe me and kept on forcing me. haha :D remembering those moments. 

I told her that i didn't want to tell her is because i dont want to break apart this friendship that we share and she had just suffered a heartbreak at that time and if i were to confess to her and even if we got together, other people may think bad of her, such as a person who switches boyfriends from one to another. I didn't want anyone to think bad or her but the urge to tell her that i like her and i just want to be with her, is like not allowed to play games when you are very addicted to it. 

So after numerous tries and attempts of me breaking the secret, i told her and confessed to her at the same time and she told me the same thing in return. So that was how it began. But i told her that, if she can manage her studies, if she knows what she's doing, her parents or her family doesn't mind and if she's happy with it then i can go with it as well. So that was when we got together and  frankly, she is the first girl that i've actually confessed to and she's the first girl that got into a real relationship with me. 

So that was just a few days before my Car test that i went to recently. She was the only one that woke up that early to keep me company and to support me further when the situation was getting intense back at the driving school. But she slept after that. The only person in the world that would do that for me. She gave me a nickname and so i had one for her too. Most of the things that i like she likes to. Everything that a guy can do for a girl is special to her, even down to hugs and kissed on the forehead. so i reserved those for her as well cause they were also special to me before sometime ago. The only girl that would ask for a hug eventhough she knows that im covered with sweat. The first text that i see everytime when i wake up and getting a morning message. The call that i get when im supposed to wake up early and it was from her. A wake up call. How happy she was she i told her that i've missed her the entire day and how much i love her. I dont really say much about the three words because i want it to be special. I wish i could say it everyday and everytime when i see her but if i were to do that every single time then upon special occasions, those three words would mean nothing. The first girl that would get worried when i dont reply her text. The first girl that would care about me like no other persons besides my treasured family and friends. A girl that cares about how i would feel. A girl that actually shows the appreciation that i can see when i've done something for her. The only girl that would turn on the skype and leave it just so I can see her sleep and she ,me. Now despite of how much work i have, Im looking at her sleeping so soundly. :) Wish i could be there with her. But anyhow, i still have work to do. 

All i hope is that she would come to know the person i am and to know what runs through my mind. Because of all people, i want her to be able to understand. I want her to trust me. And i want her to care for me as much as i would care for her. There aren't anybody that i can think of that can replace her. Wish i could tell her how much i love her and how many of hugs that i just want to give her. Perhaps one but for this one i'd never let go. She's the one and only piggy that i have. And the one and only piggy that i want to protect and care for.  :D love you piggy ^_^

Wasted Movie. Damn!

12th April 2012. 

     Damn. Time passes so damn fast nowadays. Time so precious. Life is short. But enjoy it. So i've been told. two more days and my license would go expire. And then i gotta go renew it again. DAMN DAMN DAMN! Damn what?  Damn nothing. Didn't do all that crap earlier. Anyways, there was an earthquake yesterday. I went to queens and i went to enjoy a little bit in the arcade, playing my favorite one. As usual, i would look around and see if anyone was looking. But there was none. Perhaps i flattered myself about how good am i at playing it. Haih.... But it wasn't before long when i realized that i was just trying to show off. But doesn't matter. Feels good to enjoy this feeling once in a while. :)
      These days, my friend had been so committed to his modeling thing and he had been hunting jobs. Finally he found one. That's good for him though. Let's him know how precious money is to people nowadays and how hard it is to earn them. Good experience for him. haha ;D me, on the other hand, perhaps already there is a job waiting for me. Good for learning and good for practicing also at the same time. Plus going to college and then enjoy my life from then on. Its just so friggin awesome. Looking forward to life surprises. The feeling is just simply magnificent. 

        As i was saying, we parted ways in Queens and i went straight home with my mum to pick up dad and sis then we all together went to prangin mall to change my pants and walk around in the swimming costumes department. Bought a new pants but doesn't exactly fit to be a swimming. Haih but doesn't matter. It suits for home wear. Good enough for me :) Just when sis went into the changing room, there was an earthquake. A moment ago, my dad called and told me that we were watching a movie called Battleship. i was like okay cool. Then when my sister was only halfway changing, the tremors came and my dad called. At first i didn't realize until i saw people running and i was wondering what was going on. My dad told us to get out of the building because of earthquake. Then i was like "Earthquake?! Thought we're watching Battleship?! i was thinking about this inside of my head. But the thing was, that's when i realized that the ground was shaking back and forth. Mom was there as well. She felt it too. And we quickly called for sis and went down straight. Within 10 minutes, most of the shops in the building had been closed and everyone gathered outside and taking pictures. This was a life and death matter and there were still people taking pictures. Was there a crack in the middle of the road or something? I went to take a look and only noticed that the people were taking pictures of people. As if they've never seen crowds before. PPPPFfftttt.

After that we went back in for the movies. Dad bought some ice cream but i lost my appetite. The tremor scared the shit outta me. But i got over it as soon as it came. 

Movie was awesome! Until the part where the building shook the second time. Damn. wasted. "But can watch finish first then go home ah?" one guy asked and we laughed. But whenever these things happen, WE GO OUT AND WE GO HOME! ;D

I wish....

10th April 2012

      The fear, the stress that forms and lingers in my heart and mind is affecting the days and the way im living my life right now. Felt like there'are so many things to do and yet they all have not been done yet. So this is what real life really feels like eh? without plans. All is stressed up. haihyai yai yai yai. But however, when i complete a task or i have finally finished something, there'll be a voice in my head saying "Mission Accomplished". Feels good really. but when a task isn't completed... haih...

a feeling of nervousness and fear. Because of my damn license and what else... my career, my college, the money, the job that i wanna chose to take and my beloved future. haih haih haih.... this is really stressing me out! 

SOMEBODY SAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!

A rather good or bad day?

6th April 2012.
     Early in the morning, i was supposed to get up with man and meet up Sam at my house and then three of us would go to Botanical Gardens for a jog. But Sam woke up late and in the end we didn't get to go. Not exactly sad but what got me was Man asked me to go have breakfast with him and so we did. Sometimes i just don't want to make any faces to him or anyone to make them feel uncomfortable or just utter discretion. Doesn't matter how bad they treat me, i just remind myself i'm still lucky enough not to be in some other people's situation who's worst than mine and i appreciate that there are still people who trust me and love me for who i am. In return, i just want to try to be there for them. No matter how small or big the problems are, no matter how bad their situation is, no matter how bad they treat me, i try my best to put on a smiley face even though i dread doing that. Whenever i have a bad day, i wouldn't want the world to know about it. I believe that my mission objective when God sent me to this place is to bring smiles around. Although the task may be hard but there are also somethings or some people that will cheer me on. I just hope that they'll be there for me just as i will for them.
     Recently, i had this feeling of discomfort. People had felt this before because of the pain caused by love and unreasonable endings. Today, i've been told that things end in a beautiful way and i will always remember it. For if there is something good, bad will be standing in the way. Today, i have a friend that came over to my house and cried. She cried not because of anything in particular that the people nowadays face. The thought of your family not being there for you eventhough the world tries to pull you down, you'd have no one else but to trust all the ones that you still keep in your heart. How i wished that i've told her something, cheer her up at least but, somehow, i felt as if i did nothing. I tried to speak but some of the words just wouldn't want to come out of my mouth. I just did what im good at: listening. I listened to her problems. There are people there for her and i want to do the same. Not just for her but for those people that still matter to me. i want to keep them close so that i wouldn't have to worry about losing them. But sometimes, its not just me who is the one not holding on. Some others would just take advantage, take you for granted and i hate it when that happens. My point for saying all this, although the world doesn't know that im there for them whenever they need me but i WILL be there for them whenever they need me.

It was a good day?

5th April 2012.

      Today was rather good i guess? Despite of everything that had happened recently, guess i'm getting over that stupid feeling i didn't want. Apparently letting out some things makes me feel better. Making myself tired, going for workouts and swim after that every single day. Apparently all these made me feel better and I've found good use to the word "apparently". Anyways, was so glad that a friend wanted to come over for a chat or a swim or just a hangout but didn't make it in the end. cause didn't want to trouble another friend who would be driving around. Hung out with another friend instead, saw them both in the night while swimming. That's not the part that gets me but the part that Daniel, who's just living around the neighborhood doesn't seem to respect me or obey what i said whenever he is in his house. A friend was like this before but he doesn't visit much anymore, go i guess that was the problem but this particular dude comes in my house and starts using my electricity. its not that i mind that but WHAT I REALLY MINDED was he brought his computer out and played Tetris beside my sister who was studying. Yes, although she listened to music using headphones but wouldn't what he did take away the concentration? He doesn't have any idea the responsibility that i have to take if my sister doesn't do well in her studies. I really wonder if he ever thought about that before bringing his computer out to show off his "skills" around. Another thing : he promised me that he wouldn't touch my bed and sit on the floor. APPARENTLY, my words would just go in one ear and go out the other. He wouldn't just listen to me. MY HOUSE, MY ROOM, MY BED, MY RULES. Such simple rules and yet he still can't follow them. Can anyone get dumb-er than him? \

      Other than all that crap, he tried to act smart. Telling me this and that. Not only me, but trying to be smart towards my other two friends, Kahan and Sam. "What's life without some risks" he says. *face palm* Telling me not only this but several other things in life that I've already known. Thinking that he's the smart one and he can tell whatever he wants. Me, swinging around my keys ANNOYS him. Isn't that cool? Me, just swinging around my keys, minding my own business. I swing it just so i could think sometimes but "Apparently" it annoys him. It doesn't even make any sound. I denies me when i wanna do whatever the heck i want but when i ask him just to get the eff OFF OF MY BED, only a donkey wouldn't get down. 

      Tomorrow's my friend's big day. Its his modeling thingy and he has a scar on his right hand. I sure hope that he'll win. Cause its impossible that he can't win with what he has. I know some people might actually say nothing is impossible, until someone tries to staple water on a tree. I'll look forward to his good news tomorrow. Not only this but he's bringing me to sign up tomorrow at KDU. enrolling under him and then going under the same subject. Sounds awesome but its because I've got not much idea on what to do after i get my SPM results. Since i like to write, perhaps i could give this a try. Take it as something new to learn. Never stop learning in life they say... True. :)

Memory.

As of today, i'm afraid that i might have learned my lesson. To think that i could actually take care of a dog in the first place was the mistake that i ever made. I know that what i did was wrong. but i had no other choice. Words of a guilty man huh? Thinking back at the day where i found it was underneath a bench situated at the lobby of my apartment. My friend and i found it and i was stupid enough to listen to his convincing to take it back home to take care of it. Thinking about it just makes me sick and frustrating. I never thought that bringing it back to the place which was my house and not his. Never gave a thought that the one that would be taking responsibilities was not him but me. But whenever i ask of his help, it's as if he is the one that'll be taking responsibilities. He'd push it all on me. So much for a friend i'd ask. I've asked him that since he cared about it so much, why not he take it home, he didn't care. He didn't stand by my side and thought about it for a moment. Really... so stupid of me. Now i had live with the feeling of guilt and the wongdoing for the rest of my life. I let the puppy go. But the thing is, i had a feeling that it was collected by an elderly man that i walked past when i wanted it to run on its own. Hopefully he's a good guy and would sincerely take good care of it. God, forgive me for i have sinned. I'd commit my sin to you and i'd ask for your forgiveness oh Lord. In Jesus's name, i pray, Amen.