Her Trust.

15th January 2013

Today was just one of those normal days when i'd go for what i had planned from the beginning of the day and go on with it for the rest of the day. Today i felt rather uneasy. At some point somewhere during the day.  But aside from that, i did do all the things that my mum asked and did it immediately and tried to continue doing house chores before i went out to join her for lunch. Not only her but with my grandparents as well, because my grandma has been to Aussie for the entire year so today since she came back so might as well go alone with the lunch. One simple lunch. Listened as she told stories about how was the life there and then she came back and the complains about the maids that my mum hired to clear and clean her house because her house is rather big so if she were to clean it herself then it wouldn't do any good for her leg. It has been growing weak. Anyways, earlier i planned to go eat with my baby piggy at genting right after her school. But then then i was late a few minutes cause i got caught in the lunch and i had to wait for the rest to finish then only i'd be dismissed. Then when i got there, there were people and students that just came out, as usual. But i didn't see her bike taking rounds that is if i thought that she came out early. But i didn't see. So first thing that came into my mind, she may be waiting for me at the eating place there. I parked my motor and went and check and waited in case if she was taking rounds again and maybe got caught in the jam cause since it was after school, presumably there's going to be a lot of cars and vehicles. Waited for awhile and i got her call and she said that she was already home. Then never mind. Was rather disappointed because plan failed. And this plans that had failed wasn't the first time but it was my fault for being late. So perhaps next time i'll remember this day and not be late.

When i got there, she told me that she had a headache. First thing that came into my mind was where was the nearest convenient store or any store that actually sells medicines so that i could buy her something to take away the pain in her head. But then she preferred to go to sleep and asked me to leave. I feel really sad and really scared the moment she asked me to leave. So i didn't just want to leave like that so i wanted to make her feel that i want to stay with her as long as i can before i go to play basketball. She asked me to fetch her to one of her besty's house but then i couldn't because i had promised my friends that i would go to play basketball with them back in high school. The thing was, that seemed to be the wrong choice to take. I felt really bad. I already promised my friends and the school ended at 2.10. Usually there was going to be a lot of people but then i knew that those people would hog up all those courts and not let the rest of us play because they sorta chicken out i guess? I chose to stay with her a little longer. It didn't matter if my friends were there or not. I was never going to know if by the time i arrive at school, there was going to be people left to play or everyone as gone home? I never knew. But it all mattered that i was with her at that time. Since i was going to play basketball then i could at the very least keep her company till she sleeps and get some rest and then go to her tuition with a healthy and feeling much better mind. I was with her at that time and that was way past the time that i was supposed to be there but she wasn't feeling well, so i went ahead and keep her company for a little while longer. I mean... doesn't hurt to do so right? Another thing was because i wanted her to know, that perhaps if i can keep my promises that i made to my friends, then i would keep the promises that i made to her. That was what was on my mind at that time. But it seems that she gets upset whenever i disappear and with reasons that i will explain to her later on of the day. But that was another story. I didn't want to disappoint her but it seems that whatever i do, its just not enough to make her as happy as she can knowing that i wont disappoint her. She was disappointed today because i disappeared again and that was because suddenly my mum asked me to go to tesco to buy some stuff for her. And then after that i continue with the plan to visit her. Before that i was having food. I played basketball and went home almost at about 7 and i had a bad stomachache. I cleared my bowels and then searched for food. I was eating for the past 1+ hours cause there was nothing left in my stomach. That was one of the reasons why i couldn't reply her because after eating, i straight went for my shower and then went to tesco buy things and then go on to her house for a visit. I thought that if i couldn't accompany her in the afternoon then maybe i could make it up to her by accompanying her till she falls asleep? Well it didn't work. I ride home after buying the stuff to give my mum her stuff and was already on the way there when she called and told me that she was already going to sleep and she doesn't need me to come anymore. I was a little sad at that time. But i hid that behind a laugh and continue joking with her and enjoyed listening to her voice through the phone. But it was a house phone so it was going to be expensive. And to me, if i can give her the smallest surprise, even if i can, i would give her that surprise because i would imagine that she would be happy. But when i got there, i couldn't call her handphone as usual. Everytime when i reach there, i couldn't call her phone for some apparent and frustrating reason. STUPID DIGI! Anyways, i stood there for awhile and kept on trying to call her by any means. But i couldn't get through. Dont know i stood there for how long but finally when i got to her house phone, she talked for awhile and then my phone ran out of credits. THAT WAS MY ONLY HOPE OF CONTACTING HER WHEN IM OUTSIDE!!! BUT ITS GONE. So i waited outside for awhile and can't think of anything to do. If i were to call her, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. But i had no choice. If i were to walk away then she may be even more disappointed that i didn't come. So i called out her name and her mum opened the door. I went in the room and she was already upset because i disappeared. But by means of my disappearing, i couldn't reply due to the reasons that i have said on the above. Anyways, i tried to make her smile. I tried to make her laugh but my jokes and the things that i do would not work. No matter how much funny i try to be she wouldn't laugh or smile. But at that time instead, she told me to go home because she was already going to sleep. Then i tried to tell her out of it that i came to visit her and to make it up to her because of not accompanying her and couldn't fetch her that afternoon. But what i did was not enough. I just need to try a little harder. I was kinda disappointed when she said that she wouldn't want to fall deeper into the relationship and wouldn't want to try as hard as she did before because she got dump by some punk ass bitch that took her as a housemaid  instead of a real girlfriend. So i had to understand that she could fully trust me and she could fully fall into it when she is ready and so i told her that she can have all the time that she needs. I was upset. I was rather disappointed but i had to understand. So i swallowed all that pile of crap and continue doing what i'm doing and i will continue doing until the day that i can really fully gain her trust. Don't know when that day is going to be but i just gotta continue hoping and believing. Anyways she told me to go home that time and it was late. but i told her that i could stay a little while and accompany her till she sleeps. she didn't want at first and i felt a little hurt inside when she told me to go. And i thought, so much for making her happy and now look what i have done. And i couldn't force her to let me stay, its her house after all and i have to respect her. But she changed her mind because her eldest brother went out and left one of the rooms empty. We went in and lay down. I wanted to talk to her and have a chat share some stories like always but then i was afraid that tomorrow is going to be the replay of today as in her having a headache so i just let her sleep. And here i am now confused and not really sure what else to do. She wouldn't want to tell my her problems because she is afraid that she would end up getting disappointed but nevertheless i would tell her my problems when i can and i know that she will be there to listen to me. I wonder when would be the day when she could tell me the same thing. That she would trust me enough and to tell me her problems that she face and the concept of being together is all about being sad together and being happy together. Piggies look after each other. Sometimes i think, perhaps this is a challenge for me? Perhaps i still have to try harder to win her trust like her ex and to be better than her ex? Because whatever that i do now, such as the plans that i made to surprise her, made her cry instead. Because my plan contents would give her negative thoughts and she would shed tears because she haven't trust me enough yet. So just plain afraid to give her another surprise next time. Anyways, im too tired to continue. This is all that i can think of for now and they are the happenings of for the past few days. This is the update altogether. I couldn't update because i'll be writing on my story instead. :)