change of heart

for once, i feel kinda free. undescribable feeling if you want it more frankly. i dont know about guys, this might be more for girls.
today i went to a dinner and saw how happy a newly married couple were. i was actually thinking of something at that moment. next time, maybe my time will come. i cant tell... though love... sometimes can be complicated and if its not cherrished properly, it would have been just thrown away and never to come back. i keep on thinking to myself . how to love more to the people around me and never let them down or dissapoint them.. i try my best and i will keep trying.. how i have hoped for a friend that truely understands me. a friend that knows what i try to tell him at times, a friend knows my behaviors, my characteristics, and my attitude. haih...

today, im heartbroken. because of a stupid thing that i have done two days ago. one, because of two girls that i like. i know that you might think that i am a playboy or something like that at the point. but i hear that a lot. there is this two people that i am secretly having crush on. one girl was that, i dont really [the real] know her but i find her very friendly and very nice to people. that's why i like her. the other one, i think that she is cute, and funny sometimes. but the thing is that she doesn't talk out her heart. she is shy, yes i know but... at least say something when we went out that day. it was a friday when i ask her out. there was her friend which is a girl and my friend. we talked and walked here and there not knowing what to do the whole day. this two people, they tried to help us get together telling us to do this and that.. but the thing is that we were shy. it was so clear that we liked each other but we made is so complicated that in the end i gathered up as much courage as i have inside of me and held her hand. but that was nothing. after we parted, she has to go to singapore the next day, so i got no chance to do anything about it. i was worried that maybe im doing the wrong choice dating a girl now.. but...i dont wannna break anybody's heart, i dont even know whether we're dating or not. in the end, we didn't even say anything to each other.
now that the other girl that i like is in love with someone else. i should feel happy and i get myself concentrated on the girl i mentioned. but instead i feel so heartbroken. i cant explain it. i just dont know why. i dont wanna tell my friends because they wont understand. im lost now. i dont know what to do.

call in alphabets 13 25 19 5 12 6

the pain of a little young girl talking to her elder brother. all the brother hoped for is for the sister to love him. cherrish him. and his friends.. you could have seen them.. this guy.. he is really stupid and a recklessly complete idiot. he just took out his anger on his friends.. one of the worst way that a person can ever treat his friend. he was lost. he dont know what else to do. he just scolded his friends out of no reason. he just scold, took out everything on his friends. how bad more can a friend can be? this guy, has done a lot of bad things. he doesn't treat people the right way. when he is angry or sad. he keeps it to himself. instead of telling nicely. he keeps and keeps and keeps. until one day. he might just loose it. how good would it be if he is not in the world anymore.. would anyone care? how much more can he take? from his sister that scolds him every single day and treats him like a slave every single moment whenever her brother tries to talk to her. a person that cared asking his sister whether she's hungry, whether she is happy or not. a person that goes crazy whenever her sister walks away if she is not happy about a thing that happened around her. but an awful person that doesn't care about how his friends would feel if he does this, if he does that. im not saying that this guy is perfect or whatsoever but he is really in need of a person that really cares about him a person that would listen to him. a person that would respect him enough that he understands why he is like this and not like that whenever something happens.

one of those worse days

things didn't work out as i planned it would to be today... this morning, i was asleep till 11 because i slept late yesterday.. then what happened was that i saw my sister using the com.. this happens always because she newly got her game and she downloaded it.. everytime this happens... anyway.. today's not the first day of her doing that.. but the thing is, she doesn't even bother to have her breakfast before playing.. that's one of those things that pisses me off sometimes... then after that, i just start to do the house chores. then after that i grab something to eat and i just asked my sis so borrow me for awhile because i wanna watch a movie while i eat, then she said wait.. that one nevermind but then after that, i waited and she said want another game, that one can but all i said was [in the game] i thought she used my character to get punished and then she tell me her character is the one... then from there start..
she begin to talk crap about me and all i wanted to do was to tell her dont do this in another way. but she just show me her tempering face and talk m ore crap.. she makes things more and more complicated everytime we started to argue... then we argue for about half an hour. shoutings here and there.. then in the end she just go into the room [cause that's what she likes to do because she thinks she is s great doing that just to piss me off] but anyway, i just wanna have peace right now..

Let Me Die

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes

My heart for you is true
Let no one take that from you
Time is running tight
Can't change from wrong to right

So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby

Its time to say farewell now
No need to cry of feelings
Oh it's alright
I'll end the end of lies

Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can change my world from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more

Are we at war tonight
Will there be angels whispering to midnight
Don't wake when lightning strikes

Heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can get me straight to fight
Till the sky is burning
It's the end of time

Look ahead tomorrow
Long and winding road

Keep the faith of mine
Don't let it go
You're the only reason
That I'm growing cold
What would I do
Without you

I will love you till the end of time
Every breath of mine
I'll hold you by my side
But I'll rest in peace
My sweetheart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
Only you can stop the rain tonight
Only you can make my world so bright
Life no longer ends here with you in my heart

In my heart...

Ps: what will happen if i sing this song to a girl? will she like it? i wonder....

adrenaline

today.... erm.. its actually yesterday.. which was fun.. because i kind met a new friend.... two new friends actually.. at queensbay skating ring.. this was one of the events that makes me happy. to synchronize what i would describe about them, its that they are friendly... one of the most friendliest people that i've ever met.. but somehow.. they are leaving adi.. so.. it was kinda like a celebration.. a farewell sort of party.. only that its not that much of a party.. but we had tons of fun. the whole day filled with limitless joy and laughters... we went to eat together and i met my elder godsister and had a date with her... not really a date but... walked around with her.. well... at least i thought that i wasnt that boring at that time because mostly i would shy out being alone with a girl like a girl.. so what happened was, that i treated my sis an ice cream and im glad that she liked it, enjoyed it.. of course lar... my two dollars and ninety eight cents inside that ice cream now in her stomach digested adi.. no lar.. im just joking.. anyway what happened was that i had lunch with her.. though not really lunch but im the one eating food and she was eating the ice-cream. so.. after lunch, i went to buy some stuff with her.. at least i made her smile that time... because i rarely do that.. as i have said that i would shy out before.. so we went shopping and i was thinking of taking pictures with her... but sadly...she declines it.. but nevermind. i already got her picture right up here in my head..
despite all the fantasies, there are also things that i worried and kept on thinking about it throughout the day on that particular day.. here the story goes... my mum, decided to run a business of think made fruit juices which is very healthy and can cure certain sickness... because she wasn't really happy working in her office.. her friend, from US came here to discuss about it and introduce the juice to my mum's students.. because my mum is currenty a beautician, a tutor. so... introducing the juice and all.... and her friend as i have mentioned, brought along some friends as well.. and a i got along with them well... according to my mum, some of them were from taiwan before they moved to US ... so they have a [my comment] very cute slang of mandarin.. and i actually enjoyed hearing it.. then there was this man.. which is the most friendliest person that i have ever made.. and kinda funny to the lot of him.. haha yeah.. i kinda miss all of them now because they just left Malaysia today... but we would still keep in touch by sending emails though... my friend [from US] brought me a book when we were at queensbay two days ago from today.... and its really an interesting book.. we even exchanged stories of ourselves... so happy...
aside from all that, actually as i was saying, my mum and i had a deal of going to KL with them [business trip] and actually i thought that it was sunday but actually in was held on saturday, the day where i first met them as i have mentioned above. so.. i was worried because my friend [Us] was expecting of me so much because the trip consists of 5 women, 1 girl and him, the only man.. so.. i was the only one who can talk to him.. but then i chose to go queensbay instead and at that moment came up another problem which was the girl that i confessed to the night before which doesn't agree to me about anything.... only a handful of times... so.. we had a deal.. i wanted to hug her and give her a surprise when we reach queensbay on that particular day but she'd rather go with her friends. so i was kinda down and upset about this two events the whole day and i was thinking that i was about to regret that i have made the wrong choice of going to qb instead of KL with my best friend.. but the ones that went skating with me on that day kinda made my day, they took the worries from me and plunged endless joy into me.. so ii thought to myself that, forget about it, what's over is over... so... i forgot about everything ans skated the whole day and for once my friend Azman actually said skating was boring.. haha..
so.. about the girl that i confessed the night before going to skate with my other friends, she also went to the movies and i waited for her in the skating ring as i was skating.. i waited until around 4 something and i sms-ed her but she didn't reply.. so i thought that maybe she's busy or something.. so.. at around 5.3o i recieved a sms from her and she said that she was already.. home.. and a sudden feeling of dissapointment suddenly dawned on me when i was planning that i would have fun with her [just me and her] after her movies but instead, she prefered to follow her friends as her reason was that she and her friends have not met for a very long time.. so... i have nothing else to say..and all i wanted to do was to tell her, how i felt.. but.. i held it back instead... well.. i think that should cover up the whole story of yesterday and the day before yesterday.. so... i want to type other things instead because this blog never replies so.. see ya

miss those dayz....

i used to think that i may be the only one person that can be all my friends heart mender... but i was wrong... most of my friends never listen to me.. and talking to them is like talking to a wall.. for those who ignore, when i give advise or anything, they wont bother to listen... even though they do but they will just forget it... anyway, today i went to skating with my friends because they were like so free and nothing to do.. oh ya.. yesterday i just made a friend.. who was my church friend and then an aquaintance, then friend again.. then good friend.. then my godsister... who is the only one who calls me bro, in chinese? cantonese? hokkien? not sure but.. she called me big brother just like that... so cool.. i mean its just so nice you know.. when she call me that.. i feel so respected..so loved.. because no one else dares to call me like that. only she and my real sister calls me that... its just so happy... anyway.. she is dating currently.. so ... i think i like her.. haha .. maybe not... hm... eventhough i am.. i still dont have a chance.. she might not accept me.. haha.. but still we're like a family now.. just uh... sharing to each other what we have... its kinda.. haha.. think i am crazy.. anyway, i skate i think for the whole day today.. crazy much? haha.. skated that long because of wanna know people more.. and um.. of all friends i invited, only one came and he is like a half brother and sister to me.. haha nevermid lar.. hmm... just thinking about her makes me feel happy... just so.. nice.. so friendly lar.. she... but sadly sha cant be mine... she aready have a boyfriend.. so no chance... i dreamt about her last night... me and here in a same school.. and this is not the first time.. the first was another girl.. but they were same subs but different stories..... so

missing you!

its been so long ever since i blogged... because its so busy and then now that exam is over i have been looking for a chance to type lar.... anyway.. so many things have happened... but i dont know where too start... only yesterday my friends were so close... but today we kinda like think our own ways and separated... in another way of explaining it is like this lar... latety i have this feeling to dance i dont know why... like when i see people performing i kinda like wanna join but i dont have the skills and experience. recently i have lost kinda a friend because she says that i am self centered and um... im ignoring her a lot because of reasons.. a lot of reasons... and she is really annoying and a lot more.. i just want her to hate me because i wanna let her know that i am not a good person and i dont want her to regret being friends with me.. so its like now or never. haiz... anyway... as i was saying... my friends and i are going apart and apart.. i dont not have the love of my friends and the some sort of feeling that i cant explain...eventhough god sisters and brothers, my god sister is shy and she doesn't like to go out with me... she doesn't act serious in this kinda things.... for my other friends its kinda lucky cuz.. their godsister calls them 'kor' how touching.. if mine were to be like that then good lar.. but then.... :( sad.... but anyway.. anyhow also nothing will happen in the end... haiz.. i think i like someone... haha but sadly that girl already have a boyfriend..so sad... yet so adorable... tell everybody life is beautiful.. just that some people dont know how to appreciate it... anyway.. as i was saying.. i just know this person since today and i already like her.. she is just so adorable.. jealorus of her... but nevermind.. its not that she is gonna say i like you to me or anything.. haiz... dont know what else to say lar... too tired to think... tomorrow going to qb to skate.. so have to keep energy... okay lar.... gotta go sleep.. blog next time...

for today, finally exam is over... its gonna be a yay!! for me... haha.. now nothing else to worry.. no need to think about time, no need think about the date.. sky is the limit for me now... haha so damn happy.... now everybody probably thinking about going out here and there already lar... this one needles to say one... music, games and outings has filled up my mind right now... haha.. so nervous!! so happy!!! not much to type lar... not until the fun comes out..

real dayz.....

for so long i haven't been blogging. been busy actually. doing this doing that... haiz... so busy busy busy.... anyway... life in school is pretty much boring... and maddening. nothing better compared to home... home's almost the same... just that its... like no objective... nothing much to do, just all i can do is walk around the house and listening to my music.. have i ever mentioned that i have burned a disc of songs of my own... its dream trances actually... its kinda nice.. and i wanna share it with people, my friends.. but then its not that fortunate that ever friend will listen to whatever you let them to.. haiz.... to tell the truth, i have not much friends left... friends come and go as they like in life and i cant do anything about it... this suckz!! i have been listening to songs lately and i found out how much i like music... haha anyway, there are a few new songs i have heard and its the ones that i have burned into a disc for myself... and they are not exactly singings but they are technos' trances... haha... i enjoy them as much as i enjoy games... i think thats all i can tell.. nothing more just.... nothing to do... here and there.. i'll keep updating if i have the chance!! see ya!

keep holding on

you're not alone, together we stand
i'll be by your side , you'll know i'll take your hand
when it gets cold, feels like the end
there's no place to go, you know i wont give in
no i wont give in

(chorus)
keep holding on
cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
just stay strong
cause you know im here for you, im here for you
there's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
there's no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

so far away, i wish you were here
before its too late this could all dissapear
before the door's close and it comes to an end
with you by my side, i will fight and defend
i'll fight and defend, yeah yeah

(chorus)
keep holding on
cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
jsut stay strong
cause you know im here for you, im here for you
there's no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on
cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

hear me when i say when i say i believe
nothing's gonna change nothing's gonna change destiny
whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
yeah yeah yeah yeah

(chorus x2 then fade)

complications

its been a long time since i have blogged... because nowadays, there's much to do and PMR is around the corner.. its kinda hard actually.. i have known quite a few new friends lately... to tell you the truth, i have only a hand full of friends in school.. but then for mine is the least... maybe lesser... but anyways... what is love actually? someone tell me... because its been complicated about this lately... i done really know what is love but i do know what is love.. its very simple yet strong. i have been listening to a song lately and makes me think of people i like and people i love... before and later. everytime i listen to it, its very relaxing and it calms you down no matter how you feel... for me, music is the best solution. when you're sad, or angry or happy, you just listen to music and when you're happy it will boost you up more and when you're sad, then it will cheer you up, same goes to anger.... second thing is that if you feel that music doesn't do that then fiind a person to talk to... thats what i do. but mostly i listen to the music first...haha:)
anyways, i have been listening to a music and it makes me think of someone... its someone that i ave been having a crush on... i dont know why but she is just one of the kind of girl that i like, but she is elder and she also has already a crush on someone else. my friend told me that she is an attraction to the boys... so she is kinda popular? haha

today i went to school, then nothing happened... because its a saturday and i assumed that we wont be studying the whole day but we suffered instead... most of us suffer lagi teruk! standing under the hot sun for hours! but not me, i ''relaxed'' myself with some friends and sat down and talked for the whole morning till afternooon... then after that i skipped and played a but of basketball then dad came and pick me up. it was good though, slept in the car... when reached home, got a message, from one of my friends asking me to go to youth, then i asked my dad whether he agrees, he said yes.. so its good lar, so i went and then we have ice-breaker, today wan which is a very old game, the rules a simple which are we have to blow tissues from one end of the table to the other end, both sides are same teams , so there are two tables, we got lost in the end and claimed that everybody won! haha sweat aint it?! haha then we had our worshiping session, sang some songs and prayed, was expecting someone but that someone didn't came, saw some people then i got happy i dont know why, no explaination...... again, sweat! oh ya! i forgot to tell that i am a little sick today and yesterday actually, its a little fever and then running nose, sorethroat... and ausers...(dont know how to spell) then... um... after that, after all the sayings, preachings, and all that, we had our refreshments, which is a cake, for the ones that their birthdays are before June.. so several of them got their cakes and presents... :( i get the last? haha nevermind, after coming home, while having dinner, (sensored)~(not mentioning it because its a thing that everybody doesn't like) but what happened was that my mum nagged me while having dinner, thats all... haiz.... everytime there is a moment where my parents will nag... which i hate the most...!! haiz... but nevermind.. after coming home just listened to the songs that i have found likeable lately and until now lar blog, blog and blog.. okay lar, i think this is the end of my day, i'll keep on updating this... hope that there is people reading this lar.. ~SAYONARA~

nothing can change today

Its me again.. its been a long time since I last typed in here at Microsoft words.. haiz…. Its been a long time… I have created a blog.. then another thing that I should not have don’t last time was deleted all my written things in here… but not… I forgot what are those things anymore… but nevermind… those are sad things anyway… should forget them.. anyways, now I created a blog and tell everything there but as for me in this situation now that I am kinda grounded so um… no internet and no ps2 another thing is no handphone… phone something wrong wouldn’t start so cant use… haiz… what to do? Nevermind lar.. I’ll just wait…I’ve met a friend lately and I like her.. I just don’t wanna tell her because she already have a boyfriend… so its better off to keep it to myself instead of breaking other people’s happiness right?? Hehe.. somehow she is one thing that is so special to me… I keep thinking about her when I listen to a particular song.. she is adorable and cute and pretty and kind and all that good stuff… I just don’t know how to describe but to me she is very special somehow of all the girls I know she is like one of a kind.. so I really feel lucky that I know her.. as long as im still her friend.. still I cant contact her because my phone uh.. ** anyways… I am meeting her this 14th of march at a particular buddist camp. Its really fun there and I hope more people will go this time… but the sad thing is that the number of participants are limited. So if its full I cant do anything.. the thing is I have to register early… haha. Hope to see her again.. because I feel happy when I see her… she is one of my best friend. How I wish I have a friend like that since child hood. But until now.. I don’t have that kind of friend.. *sad* exam’s on the way… I am planning to do it hard. This time because of 4 things… first, I wanna play back my ps2 game which is a cool game called v3 which is really fun. Second, I want my phone so that I can listen to my music and contact my friends. I wonder how many sms-s is left. Third, I want to use the internet. No internet its like I cant find things myself. And last but not least I just think to myself that if I can do it I will get to see her at the camp that I have mentioned above J… I think that’s all for to type today… I cant think of anything more at least after this I can sit and enjoy my songs…J so um…. Sayonara!!

busy busy busy

seriously... its been really busy these days... haiz.. i dont even know what to do. because my phone have been confiscated, play station being kept because of playing too much. my dad is kinda strict but its for my own good anyway... i made that up anyway... i dont know lar... now all i just wanna chat with is two friends. thy would be both girls because only my friends which are girls mostly can understand my problem.. especially these two friends that i am talking about.. one is from youth impact.. she is really nice and awesome and pretty and kind and all that stuff, she doesn't talk much to me in msn though.

what a day huh?

today i cried because of some silly stuff... sometimes i cry because of small matters but for big matters i tahan... some called... but today i cried because i missed my mum's dinner with her students at gurney.. first i went for basketball thinking that i will still have time when i come home but then it didn't come out that way... anyways... i wanna talk about last thursday.. it was my maths tuition.. that day after the lesson became science tuition number 2 instead... haha... sweat aint it..? hmm...hmm... i studied about this sunday... not to mention last sunday's homework that my science teacher give... this sunday we're gonna discuss about it liao.. i studied it with a girl and my maths sir... he teaches science as well..... this girl is one of my friend also.. luckily she was there... she studied with me... could be my first time studying with a girl.. it really felt good although it isn't any specialties. but in fact, its one of my happiest event of the week...anyways, today i did an awful thing... i left one of my classmate that is following bus alone... techically alone.. i didn't tell him that the bus will be waiting for us in a different place. and i feel guilty and i am responsible... then after that came this dinner that i have missed that i have mentioned before... i cry and then like that lar.. this is all i can do.... when i am crying i thought of a lot of things.. they were the things that i wanted to cry for long long time ago... so all i cry out at least i feel much better now that i dont have to keep things like that anymore.....at least... 'she' sms-ed me today... after a long time she sms-ed me first... haiz.... she asked me about the camp thing whether i am going or not.. then i say if i am going then i have to ask my mum to ask the organizer. so there goes...then i chat with my other friend which is the one that i mentioned earlier... i asked her if she will be joining me for science studying this sunday after tuition outside the teacher's place or not but then she have no answer yet... she may agree may dissagree... i hope she agrees... at least i dont have to study all alone... besides at least i have someone to talk to... hmmhmm.....so i think that will be it for now... its quite late, so i think i got to go now... so um... sayonara!!!

my goody goody rutines

its been a damn long time since the last i blogged. its because i was really busy and tired day by day... went to school and do all those goody goody rutines... everytime i came home i hope that this someone will online but she didn't. this person somehow is really special to me... i dont understand why people just dont get it... to tell you i like her... but she already have a boyfriend... its really too bad... still i cant talk to her much because everytime when i came home, i check whether she is online or not, putting lots and lots of hope... but then no... she isn't online. it gets really boring whenever i dont chat with her.. i have been waiting for an opportunity to chat to her more often.. but ever since i introduced her to one of my ''friend'' he keeps on talking to her but not me.... she talks to him as well.... maybe its like that and maybe its not... i am not really sure about it... anyways... first term exam is coming.. kinda worried about it.... not really even half prepared. hmm.... i really hope that she will go online.. but her reason was that she is so busy that she cant lay a hand on her com.... somehow i wanna tell you readers that she is really a special friend... she miles back warmly whenever i smile at her... she is really nice and all that... but too bad... anyways.... i dont care... as long as i am still friends with her... of all the girls that i've met, she is the best of the best.... she to me is like one of a kind... everytime i listen to one particular music i remembers her.... i hope she forgives me for that i sometimes weren't there for her whenever she needs me... she went to my other friend instead.... his name is.... not telling because i kinda hate him... kinda not...... well... maybe thats it for now... i dont know whether you readers get bored about my blogging or not.. because i have not been typing long for a long time.... i've been looking forward to the movie 'TRANSFORMERS REVENGE OF THE FALLEN' its really nice.. so anyone kind enough to buy me the first tickets.... hehe... anyways... i wanna ask you readers one question.... when you love someone, do you need reasons for that?? for me i guess not... as long as i am happy being with that person.. seeing that is that person heppy being with me...?? you can give me the answer by sending me comments so i got to go for now... bye